To Smile Again
by FallenxAngel321
Summary: oneshot! Amy is currently...mentally ill. Her caretaker is Shadow...for now. After taking care of her for weeks, Shadow wouldn't abandon her would he? Read it or don't. Just know that you will never know the answer if you don't.


**To Smile Again**

The air is full of toxins, chocking the oxygen out my body, replacing them with acid- no escape. I'm dying. At least, that's what I wish I was doing... Well, not really. Then again... ah, it's really hard to explain right now. The world has started to tilt- just like the way she said it would. The world is getting darker or maybe it's just that my eyes are closing. I'm having a hard time finding my keys. Keys? Why do I need my keys? I can't be home already...could I? No. Impossible. It doesn't matter. I don't care... It finally got dark.

(05:37 a.m.)

A new record. I stayed wrapped up in my pretty dream until 5:37 a.m. this time. That's two minutes more than yesterday... I think.

"Congrats," a deep voice rumbles in my left ear. I don't have to turn around to know that it's Shadow. I can feel his now-familiar warmth behind me and the usual thick blanket between our bodies. His fingers are playing with my quills again- just like yesterday. This is the routine I got used to- just like how one gets used to falling asleep when the day is done and waking up when the sun rises. And just like how I know the sun rises in the morning, I know he's half-asleep right now. "Two more minutes than yesterday, a new record."

Yay! I got it right! Unfortunately, I can't get myself to smile. Not yet...

"Should I start today?" I ask, trying to distract myself. Shadow already knows what I'm talking about. Ever heard of "Two Truths and a Lie?" Well, it's a game where you say three things and only one of them can be a lie. The other people have to guess what the lie is and if they guess right, you lose. I don't remember who decided to play the game first, but it's a sort of tradition now. Just between us.

"No, you went first yesterday. I want to start it this time."

I force myself to roll over until I'm facing Shadow, looking into his ruby eyes, almost touching noses with him. The sun isn't up yet. It's still pretty dark outside. The room we're in is full of shadows and darkness. Calling me back to sleep. But I can't. I have to play. I clutch the midnight blue sheets, crumbling it in my hand, and close my eyes in a long blink and then open them again, indicating that I was ready to play.

"Okay," Shadow breathes. "One, I hate Sonic. Two, you shoved a whole cake in my mouth last night. Three, I'm going to make you pay for it."

My mouth opens in a mocking hurt expression. "I did not."

"Yes, you did." Shadow smirks. "I think it was Big's fifth attempt at creating bug-flavored icing."

"Ok, ok. One, I'm sorry. Two, you need to grow up if you want to get back at me for it. Three, it was not bug-flavored."

"It was bug-flavored." Shadow grumbles, his face wrinkling into a disgusted frown. "And I can't believe you're not sorry for it!"

I roll my eyes. "Just hurry up and dump me in the bathtub."

"Yeah, yeah."

The bed lets out a creak as Shadow gets up and walks over to my side. He picks me up and gently walks into the bathroom. Purple. This was not my bathroom. Eh, when did I start caring again? This was not the first time this happened.

As we pass by a mirror, I catch a glimpse of myself. Matted quills that screams "I'm frizzy!"; smeared make-up, dark colors and is probably days old; chapped lips; ruffled fur; pale skin, almost sickly yellow; blood-shot eyes, tired and cranky; a stained green dress, it was probably white when I first wore it.

"We're in Rouge's house so don't throw up. She'll be mad at me."

I nod, trying to keep back the rising feeling. I'm barely conscious as the hot water hits me and the door closes, leaving me alone with my thoughts, but that's okay. The darkness is coming back to me.

(07:00 a.m.)

"AMMYYYY!"

The cold water causes my body to shiver and I try to open my eyes. I get them open half-way and quit.

"Amy Rose! Get your butt out of my bathroom!" Rouge screams again. I should do what she says, but my body doesn't want to obey. After a long silence, she yells again, "If you don't get out, I won't let you have _it_ anymore."

My eyes fly open. I can't have that happening. I quickly turn the water off and stumble out of the bathroom. Right into Rouge. Oops.

I slowly lift my head and find her giving me an annoyed look. Yeah, I get that a lot. She's not mad. Just annoyed. So I sigh in relief. Rouge remains silent, walks to her closet, picks out an outfit, and throws it at me. This is routine, too. Whenever I end up in Rouge's place, I change clothes, but only when I'm with Rouge. I haven't been to my own place in weeks. It's probably full of spider webs... oh, look. This dress has spider web designs all over it. Rouge dumps a towel on me and walks out. She's still annoyed, but that's okay, too.

(08:12 a.m.)

"Amy!" Rouge is screaming at me. I must have fallen asleep. I blink awake to find Shadow and Rouge standing by the doorway. Shadow's face is tinted red. Did that always happen? "Amy, you've got to stop doing that. Hurry up and finish getting dressed. We'll be downstairs waiting. Ok?"

I nod and a needle of pain shoots through my head.

"Ok. Don't fall back asleep!"

The door slams and the sound rings in my ears.

(08:31 a.m.)

I start to crawl downstairs after getting dressed, but find myself grasping air after a few seconds. I blink Shadow's face into view. He has a funny look on his face, but I don't know what's causing it.

"Why didn't you walk?" Shadow asks.

"Didn't feel like it..." I mumble. It's childish, but I didn't feel like saying that my head hurt too much. If I say that then Rouge won't let me have _it_. And I need _it_. It's my happiness.

Shadow carries me downstairs and we meet up with Rouge who is talking to Knuckles on her phone. I don't catch what she's saying. It's all in whispers. That's better than yelling, I guess. Yelling would just hurt my head. Rouge yells a lot... so does Knuckles. Together, it's just a headache waiting to happen.

"Let's go!" I shout, causing a headache for myself. I stifle a wince, but Shadow catches it anyways.

"Is your head hurting again?" he whispers, his voice full of concern.

"No!" I whisper, insistently and probably unconvincingly. Nothing gets past Shadow.

He leans in closer, breathing softly on my skin. This is how he lets me know he won't give me away to Rouge. How I know I can still trust him.

Rouge glances at us, talks to Knuckles a bit, and ends the call. Shadow lets me off at the bottom of the stairs, but continues to hang on to my left arm. He feels warm.

(11:45 p.m.)

Morning and night are the only times I bother to remain conscious. Morning, because it just happens and night, because it's when I can have _it_. But only at midnight. I have to take it at midnight. If I take it any earlier, then I will wake up too early. Until then, I party. Well, try to. The lights flash and there's this screeching sound in the background, probably the music and other people. How long has this pattern continued? I lost track after fifteen? twenty? days. Shadow probably knows. He's been here since the beginning.

A warm liquid splashes all over my hand and I laugh. I must have stumbled into someone. They laugh, too. We all laugh. Then I see Rouge dancing over to me with _it _in her hands. I cheer. It's midnight. Time to drink! As always I face the clock as I chug it down. But tonight, something is off. I finish the bottle and look around for Shadow. I can't find him.

I want to panic. Or cry. He's supposed to be here. Maybe he's in the bathroom? I don't know. The darkness has already spoken. The air is full of toxins, chocking the oxygen out my body, replacing them with acid- no escape. I'm dying. At least, that's what I wish I was doing. Well, not really. Then again... ah, it's really hard to explain right now. The world has started to tilt- just like the way she said it would. The world is getting darker or maybe it's just that my eyes are closing. I just don't know anymore...

(03:00 a.m.)

Shadow is not here. Those were my first thoughts. Odd. I struggle to sit upright and fail. There is no warm blanket. There isn't even a bed. Metal. That's what I'm lying on. But why? I try to get up again and succeed. That was a big mistake.

Looming in front of me is that picture- the one of that wedding- Sonic and Sally's wedding. There is a special kind of light glowing from it. A memory comes into mind. No. This can't happen. Where's my darkness?

I feel energy coursing through me. The world is getting sharper, clearer. I don't want this. I'm panicking. Where's Shadow?

"Amy? Are you fully awake, now?"

"T-Tails?" I stammer. Pathetic. But that's me. I spin around until I locate Tails, sitting by his wall of computers. "Why am I here? Where's Shadow?"

"Shadow...? You haven't stopped calling his name all night. What's going on Amy? What happened to you? You burst in her, waking me up, just a few seconds ago. I think you were sleep walking...or maybe just drunk."

His questions all blurred together and it confused me. Then I remembered. I haven't been in contact with Tails since the wedding. My eyes reflexively went to the photo and I physically cringed away from it. Too bright. My fur felt heavy and my body was cold. So cold. Where was Shadow? I guess I was really absorbed in my thoughts, because when Tails touched me, I didn't notice until he pushed my purse into my line of view. I fumbled through it until I located my cell phone. One text message.

'Amy, I'm sorry: One, I hate taking care of you. Two, unless you turn sober, we will never meet again. Three, you are like a good... friend to me, so I want you to be happy. Which one's the lie? Shadow'

No tears. Not one drop. Just pain. And then darkness.

(Monday)

Tails and Cream advised me to keep a journal. I started living per day again. It has been three days since Shadow disappeared. Whatever Rouge was giving me, it really worked. Tails said that the drink would stay in my system for a long time. He said it may take months to get completely sober again- years to get it completely out of my system- if I don't ever drink it again. It's hard, but I'm trying. I get really sleepy sometimes...anyways. Let's play. One, I want the darkness. Two, I need the darkness. Three, I need Shadow... which one is the lie? I can't tell. They all seem to be true.

(Thursday)

Unfortunately, it has been more than three weeks since I last wrote in this journal. What have I been doing? I've been sleeping and eating. It's not much, but I'm feeling better now. I can even remember things without hiding from it. Well, not completely hide away from it, but hey, at least I'm trying to remember this time. Let's play again. One, I haven't seen Shadow at all. Two, he has been keeping his promise. Three, I hate him... and he hates me.

(Friday)

It's the same week this time. Hooray! I feel accomplished, but I am not smiling yet. I have a lot of pages left in this notebook, but I might quit soon. I think I'm ready to live... One, I can do it. Two, I can't do it. Three, Shadow is waiting for me.

Sober Amy Rose POV

It has been about five months since I last drank in the darkness- since I last saw Shadow. Sometimes I catch his scent in the wind and it feels like he's here, beside me, whispering in my ear. Perhaps it was because of this fantasy that I was drawn to Crystal Sea where there are usually thousands of sailboats out in the water. Today, there are only a handful of them, because it's winter and normal people don't like sailing in the cold, especially if it's snowing. I should be inside- in my house. I know that Tails and Cream are waiting for me, because they live there with me now. At first, I asked them to move in with me so that I won't be tempted to drink in secret, but after I started to sober up, I asked them to stay to keep me company. Being great friends, they agreed.

I feel my lips starting to tug into a smile, but I know it won't go all the way. After all these months, I still haven't smiled. I look up at the falling sky and realize that the snowflakes are as white as the billowing sails on the sailboats. I lock my focus on a single snowflake and watch as it gently swims, at first in the air then in the water. It melts and blends with the sea until I can't see it anymore. My focus shifts to my reflection instead. Clean fur, silky quills, make-up free, and wearing a spaghetti-strap summer dress. I guess the darkness had lingering effects.

If Shadow was to see me, he would probably think I was still crazy. I reach up and stroke my quills, remembering how his fingers felt when he touched them. They got really long and I should have cut them, but I couldn't get up the nerve to. Shadow loved my quills. He used to kiss them when I cried and brush them back from my face gently, his hand lingering over my lips.

The snow is falling harder now.

I should go, but something is keeping me rooted to this spot. The wind shifts and blows a familiar scent my way. Shadow. My body goes rigid and I have to blink hard against the falling snow to see clearly. I turn around slowly and shuffle forwards. My heart is tugging me back to docks. I sigh and watch my breath turn into a fog of silver.

"One, you're right behind me. Two, you're going to congratulate me for getting sober. Three, I love you." I barely whispered the third one, but as soon as I heard the crunching snow behind me, I knew he heard it anyways.

Warm, black fur envelops me in a protective embrace and I feel myself leaning into his sweet scent. My breath is caught in my throat and I refuse to make a sound, so that this dream won't vanish like the snowflake when it touched the sea.

"Which one is the lie?" he asks.

I refuse to answer.

"I think the third one is a lie." he whispers into my ear, sending a pleasant tremble down my back all the way to my toes.

I couldn't help responding to that one. "Why not? Is it so wrong for me to love you?"

I spin around, ready to face his disbelief only to find a compassionate gaze.

"It's a lie because it seems too much like a dream." his breath was cool against my cheeks.

"T-That's j-just silly." I mumble.

"One, you are wearing an inappropriate dress for this weather. Two, you are sober. Three, you return my affections." he breathes. The third one wasn't even said, but I read his lips and knew.

My mouth opens in a happy surprise. "Well, you're cheating, because all of those statements are true!"

I gently push him away and stomp off, but I didn't get far because the snow around me flew up. I feel a smile tugging my lips again as the black blur wraps his arms around me. He catches my lips with his and finally it came.

I smiled.


End file.
